Perfect
by DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion
Summary: Spock's thoughts during the episode of Journey to Babel. SongFiction using Perfect by Simple Plan. One shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any characters contained therein; that is all owned by Paramount. I do not own the copyrights to the song "Perfect", that is owned by Simple Plan, and I do hope that they don't mind that I'm borrowing it for a while. I have taken the title from their song as well and I hope that they don't mind that either…

A/N: This all takes place during the episode "Journey to Bable." I have used no dialogue at all, as I can't remember it and I don't want to get any of you angry with me. Please Read and Review if you like it, this is my first songfic. Are there any Star Trek songfictions? I can't find any...

Perfect

Spock stood outside the shuttle bay, watching the Galileo Seven drift smoothly onto the floor before him. He knew who was inside that craft and it brought both joy and sorrow. He strove to mask it, the way that he always did. Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy were beside him, talking to each other, discussing the mission, uniforms, the latest batch of diplomats that were about to arrive, and other frivolous things that were merely intrusions on Spock's last bid to calm his emotional human side. He ignored it all, and waited.

The doors to the shuttle bay opened, allowing the ambassador of Vulcan and his party admittance to the Enterprise. Sarek and Amanda stepped serenely onboard. Introductions were exchanged between Kirk, McCoy, Sarek and Amanda. Spock remained silent; his thoughts were elsewhere.

**Hey Dad, look at me, think back and talk to me, did I grow up according to plan?**

Seeing his mother always brought a sense of joy and belonging, but it was instantly coupled with the knowledge that her heritage was what had brought a schism between Spock and his father. But it was his father who was to blame, in Spock's eyes, for being to proud to accept a son who was different than the other children in the village.

**And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. **

Spock saluted his father in the traditional Vulcan way, emotionless, but cold. That salute was returned in the same way. The frigidness that they generated froze Amanda's tears. She could not cry, nor show how torn she was between her son and her husband.

**And now I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud.**

Kirk almost immediately understood that there was something between Spock and Sarek. McCoy, on the other hand, just aggravated the situation. Spock tried desperately to pull his emotions inward.

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you, I can't pretend that I'm alright. **

He had to leave. He could not face his father, standing there amongst humanity. He struggled. _Did I choose the right path?_

**And you can't change me.**

At the dinner party, Spock watched as his mother and the doctor talked endlessly of his human aspects. He could feel his father's disapproval radiating on the back of his neck.

**'Cuz we lost it all nothing lasts forever.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.  
Now it's just too late and we can't go back.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.**

He stood above his father's bed. Watching the older Vulcan slowly breathe. He had taken the attack with the dignity and pride that he always had, pride which had separated them.

**I try not to think about the pain I feel inside. Did you know you used to be my hero?**

But still, Spock honored his father. He tried desperately to find the serum that would increase his blood flow to save his father.

**All the days you spent with me now seem so far away and it feels like you don't care anymore.**

Then the Captain was attacked. Spock had to take command of the Enterprise. It was his duty, and suppressing his emotions would prove to Sarek that he was Vulcan.

**And now I try hard to make it; I just want to make you proud.**

But it hurt his mother. The pain in her eyes and her voice as she confronted him, it burned deeply in his soul.

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you; I can't stand another fight. And nothing's alright.**

He could find no peace.

**'Cuz we lost it all, nothing lasts forever.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.  
****Now it's just too late and we can't go back.  
****I'm sorry I can't be perfect.**

He was lying on a bed in sickbay, tubes connecting his body to his father's. He could see, dimly through the drugs, Dr. McCoy operating in a desperate attempt to save Sarek.

**Nothing's gonna change the things that you said. Nothing's gonna make this right again.**

He had to tell the Captain that he had discovered the secret to the attacking ships. He had a duty to the Enterprise.

**Please don't turn your back. I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you.**

But his father was there, dying. And Spock could not leave. He allowed McCoy to sedate him, and watched Sarek as he slipped down into a drugged oblivion.

**But you don't understand.**

He could feel the drugs slowly leave his body, allowing his mind to roam freely into the emotion that he didn't have the strength to control. Pain, sorrow, regret, and joy all swirled around him and centered on the figure of his dying father.

**'Cuz we lost it all, nothing lasts forever.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.  
Now it's just too late and we can't go back.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.**

The rest was a blur. He saluted Sarek as he left the Enterprise's sickbay. He felt his mother briefly hug him, and thought that he could feel the disapproval from his father.

**'Cuz we lost it all nothing lasts forever.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.  
Now it's just too late and we can't go back.  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect. **

When he was finally discharged from sickbay, he returned to his quarters to meditate, only to find a small slip of real paper. It was covered with the markings of his ancestral language. And as he read it, two tears slowly slipped down his face.

"My son,

Your mother has told me of the actions that you have taken to save my life, and of the attack that prolonged those actions. I cannot begin to tell you how pleased I am that you chose the Vulcan path and followed your duty to your ship. And I cannot begin to tell you how pleased I am that you also chose to be human enough to save me. You walk a hard path, Cha'i, but considering what I have seen and heard here, I believe that your steps are well placed.

Forgive the lapse in my logic, this is not my Vulcan side that speaks, but my Father's Heart for you, my Spock. In my eyes, you shall always be my perfect son.

A'nirih"


End file.
